• Instructor ICY

Identify Your Abuser Before.....

Updated: Dec 26, 2021

Disclaimer: I'm responsible for what I say and not how you might interpret the content. Please be advised that I write this piece to make you aware of the ways how you could become an easy victim. And to help you identify criminal intent and eliminate the possibility of you becoming a victim.

It is easy to avoid getting caught in a thunderstorm. You get to know before one comes. All you need to do is look in the right direction, diagonally up at the horizon to see if the dark clouds are approaching. At night, you could keep your ears open for distant thunder or lightning. Crime isn't different. It has its own set of indicators before it takes place. However, we still become victims because no one taught us what to look for that could be a warning sign.

In this small piece, I'll share with you 2 universal ways how criminals (specifically male in gender) can be identified as those with malicious intent. And how you can avoid becoming their victim.

Indicator 1 - Disrespecting Your Disinterest.

This one is a classic. It's the most common blunder the 99% of us don't understand. Before sharing how men with malicious intent display this trait, I'd like to stab you with a fact. I use the word STAB because it is going to be painful.

How many times have you been guilty of pushing your kids into the lap or arms of people they resisted to go to? I don't care how they could be related to you but I can assure you that they aren't more close or important to you than your children. How many times at such situations have your kids cried and you have ended up scolding your kids for being disinterested in someone who is important to you or could be important to them?

I share this perspective with you to help you understand how we are building a culture of Disrespecting The Disinterest in our children. And when a man with malicious intent does the same to you, it doesn't look like a warning sign anymore. Because you have been subjected to such disrespect by your parents. And by now you are immune to such warning. In the Bollywood movie PINK, the lawyer (Amitabh Bachchan) makes a statement - 'NO is a sentence in itself'. So how important is this NO to you? Especially when you are saying it to the one who is invading your physical and emotional space. And if you think that this NO should have the power to enforce your disinterest, then we as a society must start respecting this word whenever used.

One with malicious intent will disrespect your NO, not once but a few times and especially at critical moments. Like when you are choosing a time, place and people to hang out with. He will then suggest time, place and people that are more suitable to make his plans successful. He would suggest a time that will be unsuitable for more people to be at a certain place of his choice. And he might suggest co-workers or friends, who might not like you much or trust in what you say. His objective will be to Isolate you, physically, mentally and emotionally.

So watch out for this sign. And beware. And for the sake of our coming generations, RESPECT THEIR NO as well.

Indicator 2 - Stereo Typing

This tactic is mostly used by those pretending to be friends. They use this tactic to alter your behavior/response towards them. They do so by first identifying if 'Your Social Image' is of importance to you. And if it is, then you will so easily fall for this tactic.

Let's understand this one through an example:

You leave your office with a bunch of files, a laptop bag, your lunch bag, your handbag and struggle to hit the lift button. An acquaintance from the same company calls in the lift for you. You thank him and get into the lift. He asks you which basement, you say 2nd. He makes a statement - Luckily I came in early for work and got parking at B1. To which you would reply - I usually park in B2 or I have reserved parking or you would agree to him. He would then offer to help you with your belongings to your car. And you said NO.

At this time he would stereotype you in many such ways and statements:

1. That's ok. My sister too is careful with strangers.

2. That's ok. I've told my sister to do the same if someone offered help.

3. That's ok. I'm not a criminal.

4. I'm sure you don't want to drop your laptop. IT is tough on replacements. I dropped mine...bla bla bla...And during this bla bla bla he makes sure you both go down to B2. And if he has NOT pressed on the B1 button, then you should be going back to your desk to pick up something you didn't forget.

Now what he's intending to do in the first 2 statements is make you feel like his sister. He is establishing a relationship of trust level 8/10, which is ridiculous to reach with a stranger in your first meet. But you will be surprised, most women fall for this. And they do so because they feel obligated to trust someone who is posing a brotherly figure. And not trusting will weaken their social image (its quite stupid because there is none who will be aware fo this weakening of your social image except you both in the lift). This tactic, in most cases, neutralized all defensive walls that a woman might have put between her and this man with malicious intent.

In the 3rd statement, he has forced an assumption on you that you think he is a criminal. To which most women feel obligated to comfort such hurt by conforming and accepting their offer to help. Hence giving him a green signal to proceed with his plans to accompany you to your car in Basement 2. And then, keep guessing....

In statement 4, he tries to show he cares. Probably more than you care for your laptop. This one will feel extremely logical to you as he could be right about the IT department's toughness on replacements. Obviously he too knows that, being from the same company. He might even say he broke his laptop the same way and he had a tough time getting it replaced.

If you notice, the underlying objective of the 2nd indicator is to indirectly apply the 1st indicator with extremely subtility. The underlying intent is the same to get you to a place of isolation or an area in which he can have more physical, mental, emotional control on you. If you noticed, we didn't speak a word about self-defense or the police or the law or anyone else who are projected as the lone protectors of women on this land. At #StayICY, we focus on the aspects that women can be trained in with ease, so they can see a wolf under a sheepskin miles away from the time BEFORE the crime.

These are 2 out of 4 tactics men commonly use to lure their victim into buying their modus-operandi and making them their victim. If you liked what you read and if it made any sense to you, do watch out for upcoming training or follow us using #StayICY.

Feel free to share this article so more women can be made aware of such tactics being used against them.

Wishing you a Secure Life ahead!



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